At this point you might be thinking "Are you crazy, man? Just look at her! She's got pointy teeth, claws, and I can't even see her tits. And those eyes! She's fucking crazy!"

I'll allow as to how all those things are true. Her teeth are kind of pointy, she's got nails that could cut glass, and for all I know she's completely flat-chested. The eyes, though, are what make her hot. This is a completely psycho chick, and I'm here to tell you that psycho chicks are fantastic in bed. And on the couch. And the floor. And the front seat of your car while you're driving

Now I know my audience here. You're a Magic player, which means you've probably never actually had sex with a woman. (If you've had sex with a woman before you don't need to e-mail me and complain; congratulations. Of course if you're a woman and you've had sex with a woman and you want to e-mail me and tell me about it that'd be fine. Hell, send me some pictures too while you're at it).

So right now you're probably thinking "What kind of degenerate is this guy? Who needs kinky sex when you're banging some good-looking chick?" Again, you're going to have to trust me. Vanilla sex is like vanilla ice cream. It's great, you'll eat it and eat it, and if that's all you ever get it's still pretty damned good. But what if you knew there was some hot fudge available, but the person fixing your ice cream wouldn't ever let you have any? Just knowing that hot fudge was out there would drive you nuts. You'd be thinking about it all the time. You'd constantly be fantasizing about how your vanilla ice cream would taste if only your girlfriend would agree to wear a dog collar and call you "Master" during sex. Okay, I'm mixing my metaphors here, but you get the idea. If you know there are women out there who'll do kinky stuff, but your woman says "No way" every time you get out the leather goods, eventually it'll start to bug you. Relationships have come apart over a hell of a lot less, like leaving the toilet seat up or staying out playing Magic until three in the morning.

With Braids, I'm thinking that kinky sex should be no problem. I'll bet she considers things like bondage and S&M to be pretty tame. That would be the biggest problem in doing her, probably. You'd be saying things like "Hey, how about you put on this leather harness and let me ride you like a horse?" and she'd be saying "Even better, how about you and me have a threesome with Spellvira, the Soul Sucking Demoness Who Devours The Testicles of All Males?" Since she's a necromancer that won't seem like any big deal to her, but to you getting your nuts chewed off by a demon isn't exactly erotic. So you'll want to try to talk her down to something else. In relationships that's called negotiating.

In game turns Braids lives up to her psycho chick persona pretty well. Every turn you have to sacrifice something. Yeah, that's a psycho chick for you. They'll wreck your car, trash your bedroom, smash out your television, maybe even boil your pet rabbit and serve it for dinner. But you keep them around, you keep coming back for more, because the sex is fan-fucking-tastic. I'm not saying you marry a psycho chick. Hell, if you can avoid it you don't even give them your home phone number. But if you get a chance to bang one, take it. I know if I was somehow magically transported to Dominaria I'd do Braids. And don't for a second pretend I'm the only one who's spent a little extra time in the shower fantasizing about which chicks from Magic cards you'd bang, given the chance. We've all been there, haven't we?

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a psycho chick coming over tonight, which means I need to hide all the steak knives.