Words of Worship. Enchantment. 2W to cast. For 1 mana, the next time you would draw a card this turn you gain five life instead. I'd have to say this card is, um, not really all that, uh, kind of weak with regard to...

Hell's bells, what a fucking useless card. Yeah, yeah, I lose the fucking bet. But damn, how was I supposed to discuss something as lame-ass as Words of Worship without cursing? That was Mission Fucking Impossible, and we all knew it. So now that the floodgates are opened, it's all hands on fucking deck as we ream this poor substitute for toilet paper.

Of course there are actually some decks that can abuse Words of Worship, and that's what makes me cry like a PETA member in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant. Because those decks will all be boring, play-with-yourself Black/White decks that rely on the brokenness of the "Pay life to draw cards" mechanic. I'll admit that a long time ago I didn't catch how broken Necropotence was. Hell, I was using copies of Necro as a coaster, which is why I got disqualified from a PTQ back in 1999. My Necropotences were considered marked because they were all stained with Jim Beam. I guess maybe I shouldn't have been licking the backs of each card before I drew, but I swear it was just because I had a hangover. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that R&D can't be fucking psychic and know when a mechanic will be utterly degenerate a year or two down the line. (Although I'd settle for them not being Mr. Ma-fucking-goo when it comes to noticing things like "Madness is broken" or "Gosh, Fires of Yavimaya sure does work well with Fading"). But after about the third time in a row "Pay some life, draw some cards" proves to be the great cog in the combo machine maybe we should avoid having the words "draw" and "lose/gain life" on the same card. It's just asking for trouble. So of course some Magic player with no life (note to self: tighten last sentence up a bit, "Magic player" says it all) comes up with a combo that involves losing life to draw cards, probably using Nefarious Liche or one of those other trash Rares I could never understand because it had a couple hundred words of text written in three point font. Then playing against that deck involves bringing a fucking blanket so you can catch a nap in between turns while they agonize over exactly how much life they can afford to give up in a quest to extend their turn for another twenty minutes in the hopes you'll just give up and put a bullet into your own fucking brain just to have something to do. Of course I, being kind of a Magic prodigy, know better than that. You take more than five minutes for your turn and I'll put a bullet in your brain, you degenerate fuck-wit.

Okay, so what has this rant taught us? First, that life gain sucks ass, except when it's broken to the point you start wishing for the days of Homelands sealed. Second, that R&D occasionally makes mistakes, just like all the rest of us, but since we don't have all the money of Hasbro backing us up we have to just live with our screw ups while they can claim theirs are game features. Third, I can barely write a single fucking paragraph without cursing, much less a whole article.